Posted by: Scribble | 11/09/2008

No Customer Service at Maplin

I am boiling over with fury today.  I ordered an indoor ariel for my son’s TV which was a birthday present that doesn’t work without an extra aerial which I didn’t realise at the time.  Three days ago, I found what I wanted at Maplin and placed my order via the internet.  Maplin’s recorded message says that orders received before 5pm will be sent out the same day.  It did not arrive.  Instead I received a note in the post, saying that the item was out of stock.  I called Maplin to ask why it was not in stock when it clearly was at the time of my order –  it said so, in fact there were several in stock.  The lady I speak to is as usual apolagetic and attempts to provide various reasons as to why the order is now not in stock when it clearly was when I ordered it and when they took my money.  She suggests that at the precise same milli-second that I placed my order, three other people must have ordered that particular item at EXACTLY the same time.  I suggest this is nonsense but if so, why did the computer not tell me that it was no longer available – we are in a sophisticated electronics age afterall.  Trying to keep a hold of my temper, I ask when it will be in stock and when it will be sent out to me.  “I’m afraid I can’t say Mrs ***, we have no way of knowing when it will be in.  You see when deliveries arrive they have to be scanned before putting them on the shelf.”  What?  What’s that information got to do with the question?  She thinks there may be a delivery to their warehouse on Friday but as she can’t say exactly when, she thinks, I may get it delivered on Monday, if it comes in time to be sent out again.  I tell her that it might be an idea not to place my particular aerial ‘on the shelf in the warehouse’ and instead get it into the delivery van in double quick time, since they have taken my money three days ago, promised to send it out the same day as I ordered it, well before 5pm.

There is also a question about the type of delivery.  When you place the order there is no information as to how it will be deliverd and by whom.  There is instead an ‘option’ to pay a minimum of £10 possibly £25 to have it delivered the ‘next day’, or, there is the option to pay £2.95 to have it sent by DHL ‘standard’ – whatever that means.  Since there is little the lady can do, she offers to arrange a ‘call back’ by a senior person as she has no authority to help in any way.

Today, the senior ‘manager’ calls back.  I re explain the entire woeful story.  She is nonplussed.  There is nothing she can do about it at all.  I will just have to wait for the delivery to their warehouse.  I query the murky description of their delivery options.  I ask who normally delivers items other than the exhorbitant ‘next day’ or £2.95 DHL ‘standard’.  She explains that usually orders are sent via Royal Mail but that some people don’t like the mail option and ‘prefer’ to have DHL deliver.  There is no information as to the cost of the Royal Mail which leaves one with only the other choices.  I ask her, if, since they have not kept to their advertised agreement whether she would be kind enough to send the order to me on the ‘next day’ option (at their expense of course) since I have now waited three days and am looking at waiting nearly a week to get this wretched thing that should have arrived the next day  “I’m sorry Mrs ***, the order will be sent out standard DHL, we will not be sending it ‘next day’ as you haven’t paid for that service” What does ‘standard’ used in this context mean then, I ask.  “You will receive the item in 1 – 3 working days.  For God’s sake!  I remind her that the whole point in my ordering from their website as opposed to going to the store was that it would be quicker since I live miles from town and have no plans to go there just for an aerial.  She remains firm.  I also remind her that it is they who are at fault here having taken my order under false pretences.  “I’m sorry Mrs ***, your order will be sent out standard DHL delivery, we will not be sending it ‘next day’ delivery”  she drones on in her flat northern voice.  She repeats herself ad nauseum and brimming with frustration, I’m afraid I sink to her level.  I suggest she sounds like a robot, that I have already heard her repeat herself a million times and perhaps she ought to record herself and play it back on a loop, so as to save her voice. 

So despite the fact that I have been deceived, either deliberately or by mistake, despite their promise that orders will sent the same day, despite the fact that Maplin have no idea when they will receive a delivery, let alone when I will, Maplin are not prepared to do the honourable thing and ensure that when the wretched thing finally arrives at their warehouse, they will do me the kindness of sending it out on a ‘next day’ option to make amends – they won’t.  In a final effort, I enquire about their customer service policy.  “If you wish to make a complaint, you have to write to customer services, Mrs ***.”  Why should I and how does this help with the matter at hand?  Who, I wonder works for these companies?  Are they some sort of robotic clones?  Are they trained specifically to be unhelpful and to put you off with insincere apologies and ‘I can’t do anything for you’s.’  By now I am tempted to break the phone.  As I decide to hang up, I hear her again, “You can cancel the order Mrs ***.”  Yes!  I think I bloody well will but that’s not all I feel like doing.  Afterall, have they offered to let me know when I can expect my delivery?  Will I have to sit indoors until the end of time, incase, by some sort of punishment, I happen to go out for two minutes and miss the delivery man?  Of course not.  I have no idea when it will turn up.  God give me patience!

Posted by: Scribble | 10/09/2008

Perils of late Babies – Part ll

Having ticked off Black Henny, (see last post), for producing more babies that she has failed to look after, I find myself with four tiny little bods which is not good news at such a late stage in the year.  The nights and mornings are pretty chilly and it will be weeks before these little mites are anywhere near old enough to manage in the coming autumn/winter.

I blame myself really.  I haven’t kept enough of an eye on the brood and hadn’t noticed that, Black Henny, hiding in the far dark corner of the shack, managed to hatch out the chicks.  This is her third set this year.  The first ones were born far too early and died of cold as she stubbornly sat on the nest, determined to hatch out every single egg (stupid) while the first hatchlings were left unattended and perished.  I tend not to get too involved having had many disappointments and sadness when things go wrong.  These days, if they are producing any babies, I provide food, shelter and water and leave them to it. 

Black Henny is a first time mother this year and has no idea what she is doing without the help of the Matriarch who sadly died around the time of the arrival of the first babies.  With no one to teach her, she made a hash of it.  Speckle hen, on the other hand, has been fantastic.  She has already brought up the first and only survivor of the first batch and supervised the two black hens when they managed to produce, between them, another three.  All of which I am glad to say are happy and healthy. 

I managed to palm off four of the new babies onto Speckle who is now thrilled, despite initially refusing to help.  But thinking it had all worked out nicely, I then found two more babies had hatched in the early hours of Saturday morning.  I saw their little bodies lying outside the nest, stiff and cold and assumed they were dead.  I picked them up, cleared out the nest and put them out on the heap.  I was about to walk away when I noticed a tiny movement.  I picked them up and sure enough they were still alive – just.  I rushed them inside, filled up hot water bottles, wrapped them up and bunged them in the airing cupboard.  ‘If they survive’, I thought to myself, ‘that’s fine, I’ll give them to Speckle’.

The last few days have been a nightmare.  The chicks did survive, but having almost died, they seemed to have brain damage and found it impossible to stand on their own, throwing their heads back which tipped them over backards. I looked at the poor little chicks and wondered what to do.  I couldn’t get them to eat but knew that they are born with a ready made supply of food that lasts a couple of days, so I gave them water, kept them warm and hoped their heads would behave normally soon.

By yesterday though, I felt it was hopeless.  They had not improved and still wouldn’t eat the various concoctions I made of soaked bread and ground up corn and all I could do was give them more water.  Yesterday evening, I was beginning to consider killing them off.  It was a nightmare.  I can’t kill anything, not even a spider and I’m scared of them.  I felt I couldn’t keep them in this state of misery and thought it would be kinder to bop them on the head.  But how to do it?  I imagined picking them up by their tiny legs and bashing them against something, but didn’t like that idea.  I considered snapping their necks between my fingers, but again, I couldn’t make myself do it.  I thought of drowning them, having heard somewhere that it is a relatively ok way to go.  But drowning is the stuff of my own worst nightmare.  I couldn’t do it.  I then thought of my grandmother and how she died.  She died of old age really but near the end, full of drugs, she stopped eating and drinking until her life wound down.  It was heartbreaking.  I couldn’t do it.

I placed the babies back into their box on the hot water bottles.  To stop them falling over, I had cut up an old sock I found, given as a freebe by an airline, on a flight to somewhere.  It was loose enough not to constrict them but perfect for wrapping them in a secure little bundle.  I could hear them cheeping away and was amazed by their strength.; they didn’t seem close to death.  I decided though, to go with the starvation idea.  I would stop the water and hope they just wound down.  I popped them back in the airing cupboard as I went to bed last night, feeling like a coward, hoping they would be dead by the morning.  I consoled myself that at least they hadn’t died on the heap out in the cold.  I couldn’t stand it anymore.

I’ve become very attuned to the sounds they make.  I know when something is wrong by the differing pitch in their tiny voices. Many times, over the last few days, I have felt something was wrong only to find that one or both have escaped from their sock and rolled away from the hot water bottle, or be upside down and unable to right themselves.  I listened to their quiet cheeps as I lay in bed, feeling part dejected, part relief, that these dear little things would probably not be with us the next day.  I was almost asleep, drifting in that comfortable near- sleep, half-wakefulness when I heard some very loud and frantic cheeping.  I dragged myself out of bed, remembering how it was when my own children were babies, needing me in the night. 

I open up the box and peer inside.  One of the chicks is shouting his head off.  He looks fine, hasn’t fallen over and is peeping out of his sock. I wonder what the problem is.  I pick him up and he looks up at me.  He seems much steadier, no head rolling backwards business.  I keep him in his sock and he gazes up at me -me his mum.  The Other has been getting ready for bed himself and comes over to look.  “Maybe he wants some water or something?” he asks.  He goes off to get some for me and comes back with water and some chick food.  “He won’t eat,” I say, morosely.  “I’ve been trying all day to get them to eat something, but they don’t seem to know how to peck.”  “Why don’t we make up a mix of food and water in a syringe and squirt a bit into his beak?” offers The Other.  “He’ll drown” I say with exasperation at this idea.  “He has a tiny stomoch and it’s so easy to give them too much, you wouldn’t believe how tiny they are inside.” I say worriedly.

I put a bit of crushed corn onto the edge of the sock in front of the chick, not really expecting anything to happen when The Other shrieks with delight and points at the baby.  I look down at the pathetic thing on my lap and sure enough he’s pecking at the crumbs.  I can’t believe it.  All day I’ve been trying to feed them and now the little mite is feeding himself.  I realise what all the shouting was about;  he was finally hungry and ready for food.  “Feed me – now, cheep cheep!”

We are both thrilled with this unexpected turn of events.  I guiltily remember that I was thinking of killing them only a few hours before.  Eventually I put him back in his box and seeing the other one is asleep, leave them.  There is no more cheeping and we all, finally go to sleep.

Both chicks are better today and each has eaten a tiny bit of food.  It seems they may survive afterall and poor Speckle may have an extra two mouths to feed in the next day or so if I can sneak these two in without her noticing.  Thank heavens for Speckle.

Posted by: Scribble | 09/09/2008

Autumn Babies

“Now look here, Missy, you have to stop having babies and flouncing off and leaving them”, I say, wagging my finger sternly.  She tilts her head to one side, looking at me with her black eyes.  I know she’s listening.  “Thing is, I’ve got twins up in the airing cupboard recovering after you let them get cold.  What were you thinking?  Don’t you know by now, that new babies have to be kept warm and fed?  I’ve been up all night with them, feeding, changing bedding, rocking to sleep and they aren’t even mine!”

Silence.  She shifts her weight around a bit as she makes herself more comfortable.  I detect a slight sheepishnes to her demeaner.

“You can’t expect to hand them over to Dad either, since there is a question over paternity and some of the possible fathers have made a hasty exit.  You’re very lucky that Aunty has, yet again, stepped up to the mark and is babysitting for you, though I can tell you she wasn’t very pleased to play nurse maid again.  You must stop making yourself available or suffer the consequences.”

She starts fussing over her hair again, worried, as usual that she looks pretty.  I turn on my heel, exasperated at this floozy.

“You’re a very bad Henny indeed!”

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