Occasional Scribbles

It’s been a rotten week.  The elder Teen has been fired from his job on a vineyard in New Zealand after one too many ups and downs and since his employer was also his guardian, it has left him high and dry.  Unfortunately, with all that freedom, independence, car and money, the Teen has had a pretty wild time and driven his guardians to distraction, worry and an awful lot of work.  Pig headedness coupled with the arrogance of youth has led the Teen to stomp off saying he will manage on his own and without any help. 

The guardian, meanwhile insisted that he return to England until he has learnt some self dicipline and got his errant behaviour under control, pointing out that, amongst other troubles, a few speeding tickets, a couple of warnings for dangerous driving and a brush with the law outside a club, compounded by several injuries all adds up to a swift flight home.   The Teen points out that the driving issues were ages ago, that the brush with the law was by no means his fault and that he got dragged along with some other errant teens and that the charges were dropped because the police beat him up, severely injuring his shoulder.  He says he has learnt some lessons, no longer goes out drinking and drives carefully now.

I find myself right in the middle of all this.  His grand parents funded the entire project and I don’t have two beans to rub together so am unable to help him financially even if I backed his idea to stay there and I’ve been in two minds about it.  His grandparents, not kept fully informed about some of the incidents that have occured were suddenly given chapter and verse by the guardian and not surprisingly want him to return and no longer wish to help with the funding in an effort to force his hand.  Family relations are a bit strained at the moment.  I go from one way of thinking about it to the opposite way practically hourly.  sometimes I feel furious that the Teen has blown a golden opportunity with stupid, stubborn behaviour and let us all down.  Other times, I feel he probably has learnt a few lessons and I admire his determination to go it alone in the full knowledge that he really will be on his own and that we don’t have the resources to help him if he gets into a mess.

Faced with forced removal from NZ, The Teen had a plan.  He told the guardians he was going into hospital to get his shoulder pinned and wouldn’t be able to fly for at least a few weeks and that is where they thought he was which gave him some breathing space.  He planned to get another job in the meantime and a bicycle to get around, knowing that he had to return the car.  He pretty much had it all sorted out and then they got wind of what he was doing and refused to pay him the money he was due until he got on the plane.  Faced with no money at all, his plans were scuppered and he has had agree to return.  It’s a very disappointing end to what should have been the start of a fantastic life for him.

Much as I will be over the moon to see him again after 8 months, I am in fact dreading his return.  I know before he even gets here, that he will be full of resentment having been ‘starved out of the country’ as he puts it, reluctant to accept any blame for the failure of the venture and depressed at coming home to bleak prospects.  He will back where he left off but this time with no car as he crashed it prior to leaving, stuck in the country minus his friends who have only just gone off to university and back under his parents roof.  Personally I can’t think of anything worse.  I’ve been instructed to ‘reign him in’ and instill ‘discipline’ into him and curb his beavhiour generally.  But its worth noting that his lack of discipline stems largely from a severe lack of it in his school where did as he pleased more or less and a home life that is difficult and where he lacks firm control from a father figure who has not been well enough to influence him.

If I had to sum him up, I would say that he is an intelligent, willful, stubborn, sometimes argumentative lad.  He is in some ways his own worst enemy.  He allowed the relationship between himself and his guardian/employer to go severly wrong and was sometimes rude, beligerant and morose.  However, in the right hands he is a delight, willing, enthusiastic and charming.  We all have sides to our character and we all have faults and when you are dealing with a young person, just out in the world, old enough legally to do as he pleases, free from any restraint, it takes a careful young person to keep himself on the straight and narrow.  Clearly The Teen hasn’t managed this.

As things stand, he will return on the 4th October.  I am very worried indeed.  It’s going to be a bumpy ride.  Any suggestions would be appreciated